tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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