I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
