In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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