Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
