i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
