Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
