She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
