Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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