if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
