I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
