i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
