btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
