so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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