If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
