So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
