I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize