just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
