Already got asked if we're dating
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
