New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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