Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
