And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
