Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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