yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
