put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
