I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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