guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
