Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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