Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
