You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
