Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
