So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
