I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
