isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
