I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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