Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Can I color on your dick again?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
