You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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