it was like eating out sand paper
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
