im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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