she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
