u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
