He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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