why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He has the fingertips of a God
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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