P.S. I can't hear my feet
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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