So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
