Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
