i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
