Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
