Umm I'm too high to move.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
