I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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