My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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