You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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