hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
