i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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