pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
