Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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