I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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