your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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