the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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