My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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