Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
