I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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