well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
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Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
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Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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