they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
