That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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